insight from commenting- the barrier to productivity created by laureldom

[elegentry]

I just wrote this as a comment on Celsa's post about lack of time. I am posting it on it's own because I think the section underlined really is a problem for me. I need to think about that and what I might do about it:


"personally I have less time for SCA projects than I did a few years ago. I blame 4 things
- LJ and email at home
- work being more hours and more exhausting
- buying a house and getting into gardening.
- um, and being a costume laurel.

I too get a lot of sewing etc done on trains and at events. I just haven't been travelling on trains or going to many events lately. Well I did in the UK recently but I was patchworking rather than doing SCA stuff. La.

The big problem is as a costume laurel, I feel that every single thing I produce for the SCA has to be as perfectly authentic as possible. This is really exhausting and does not allow for much in the way of pure creativity. Hence my drift into patchwork, quilting and back to street clothes. So I still make things that take ages but they are not SCA relevant. For example, the star quilt (was posted if you remember) I finished about 6mths ago that took around a year of my creative output. I do second the notion that really intense/complex/lengthy things can get done if you do 20min of it every day or so."

later:
-hmm. Does this translate as nothing I do can realistically be good enough and is therefore pointless? or that I make too many decisions at work and have too few decisions left for costuming? Or that I need more creative outlets more than I need costumes? Or that I am sick of changing shape so nothing fits? or that I miss the game how I/we used to play it? Or that other stuff is more important right now?

Way too much self analysis for a Monday night. My head hurts and I'm going to bed. Probably the most sensible thing I have written all night.

Comments

[giddyaunt.livejournal.com]

have you considered resting on it? That way you get comfortable, and you don't have to look at it, so you might feel freer. Just a thought...;>

[celsa.livejournal.com]

I believe that Picaso was responding to a similar issue when he took up pottery.

I enjoy the fact that your garb always rocks like a totally authentic rocking thing, but I can see how being looked to as an example of "how to do costuming right" could certainly interfere with your less authentic/documentable creative impulses.

I wonder how you might be able to create some more ..uh...'speculative' garb whilst being clear that it is not purely authentic and not exactly covered by the scope of your laurel?

[mmy-me.livejournal.com]

I so completely hear you. I also find it hard to do just small projects - everything has to be researched and documented to within an inch of its life, and I don't always feel like doing that for, oh, a pair of garters or something. But I feel I should.

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

I'm confused. Resting on what?

My SCA participation?-I seem to be doing that which is the problem under discussion. My original joy in the SCA was for the feel and theme, almost in a fantasy or at least dream sense. That faded and for many years my joy has come from a combination of making fantastic stuff (if I do say so myself, cough)and hanging out with my mates. I am losing this now and I'm not sure where I'm at. I love MAKING things but historical costume is not inspiring me much because it feels too constrained. Weird 'cause finding new insight into a more accurate way of making something used to be one of my biggest thrills.

The quilt?- I sleep under it and love it to bits. That is not a problem.

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

I seem to be able to do small projects but that is all I have done recently. Even the small things are not new research but based on readings of years ago. If I think of a big project my thoughts seem to be immediately blocked by "OMG I have to get it right or else and I can't face that amount of prep and fraught decision making". Even a relatively simple sideless gown had me in paroxysms of decision making. It is pretty much done now but took a long time for what it is and it is by no means perfect. All the main seams are overlocked for goodness sakes and I feel horribly guilty about that but could not face 10 handsewn seams that won't be seen. So I have a garment that I agonised over but is still not up to scratch and in many ways it is about as simple as a garment can get. I'm all tied up in knots about costuming so I am mostly not doing it. On top of that it doesn't feel worthwhile like it used to.

[quatrefoil.livejournal.com]

I wrote a long comment and the internet ate it, but it boils down to this: get someone else to make your frocks and do something else. If I decide to take time off I'll make you a frock - it will be crap, but that's ok because it's not your fault, and it would be rude to criticise a gift.

I think it's time for another blah-blah secret plan, myself.

[martinlemechant.livejournal.com]

Exactly, I know where your at.

I got tired of the authenticity aspect of Armour making, and switched to alt jewellery as it let me work with metal and be creative.

I will still make authenticky armour, but put my creative energies into the jewellery.

I want to talk to you about shooting some of your garb!

[delvino.livejournal.com]

I think giddyaunt meant your laurel :)

SW who is too lazy to log in

[(Anonymous)]

I've been struggling with this one too, which is wierd, given how many frocks I've turned out this year.
After a great deal of navel gazing, I realise that I love the creative process, I love making stuff, but the pay off just isn't what it use to be.
The thing I really enjoy is swanning about in a frock with like minded mates, having a bevvy and a fabo time. Not so much of that happening these days, for both complex and boring reasons.
So I figure it's not the frocking that has changed, but the context.
I reckon if you rocked up to a few events and you saw some folks (especially if they were folks you like) wearing tres funky stuff, the bug would strike you again.
The perfectionism is another issue. I wonder if this is a 'slardy old laurel' issue or if it is a new external standard (imaginary or otherwise).
I suspect putting the *fun* back in the frocking equation is the key.
I think this discussion needs further examination with the assistance of dinner and several beverages.
Busy this weekend?

Re: SW who is too lazy to log in

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

Good idea! Free Saturday, want to do stuff? prefer evening. your place or mine?

I do think that the fun aspect is definitely part of it. I think work is to blame too. What year was first coronation? I don't think I have made anything based on new research since then- timing is similar to me moving into this scheduling nightmare.

Re: SW who is too lazy to log in

[shu-shu-sleeps.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with SW on this - its about the fun factor, when the context changes, it can have a real impact on the fun factor.....

First Coronation - hmm - 2002?

From the totally slack laurel who has masses of amazing fabric but just can't find the enthusiasm to do any sewing, even though I have NOTHING that fits me to wear to Bal d'Argent - oh hang on - wonder if I fit back into my laurelling outfit.....

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

ah, I see, silly me.

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

bother about the long reply being trashed by the ether. That happens sometimes to me too. I thank you for the kind offer of potential frock making but that is not really the solution I think. I have been thinking again and have come to the revised solution that b, sasically I just have too little time. Sounds familiar eh?

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

Goodness, that is a compliment. I'd be delighted for you to shoot some of my garb, I know you don't mean full of holes. I can't promise to fit into the late period stuff at the moment but 14thC, sure. Maybe some of the german stuff if I am svelt enough. Note I have given a lot away over the years.

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

It's not so much that I have costuming impulses that are less authentic- more that I don't have access to enough time and brainpower at the moment to make big frocks. I'm not interested in costuming unless it is done properly. Hence my current intermittent production of small bits of pre-researched 14thC garb. What I really want is a fancy new frock or several but need to find the time and brainspace.

[mousicles.livejournal.com]

I think it is the time versus reward thing. You've always been a perfectionist, it just that as time goes on, you know more and you always want to do better with the next project. I look back at past triumphs and wonder what I was thinking, but at the time they were amazing (and our good stuff still looks good)

But when you don't go to many events and in my case, quite often only half the event, there is no point in making something cunning to swan about in with friends.

Plus we all hang out together without the need for an SCA event to bring us together so the need for frocks is diminished.

Do whatever interests you? Anything else will just seem like hard work. When an idea comes along that inspires you, it will be fun and not work.

And don't feel guilty about keeping up the laurel appearances. Only you are going to notice.