insight from commenting- the barrier to productivity created by laureldom

[elegentry]

I just wrote this as a comment on Celsa's post about lack of time. I am posting it on it's own because I think the section underlined really is a problem for me. I need to think about that and what I might do about it:


"personally I have less time for SCA projects than I did a few years ago. I blame 4 things
- LJ and email at home
- work being more hours and more exhausting
- buying a house and getting into gardening.
- um, and being a costume laurel.

I too get a lot of sewing etc done on trains and at events. I just haven't been travelling on trains or going to many events lately. Well I did in the UK recently but I was patchworking rather than doing SCA stuff. La.

The big problem is as a costume laurel, I feel that every single thing I produce for the SCA has to be as perfectly authentic as possible. This is really exhausting and does not allow for much in the way of pure creativity. Hence my drift into patchwork, quilting and back to street clothes. So I still make things that take ages but they are not SCA relevant. For example, the star quilt (was posted if you remember) I finished about 6mths ago that took around a year of my creative output. I do second the notion that really intense/complex/lengthy things can get done if you do 20min of it every day or so."

later:
-hmm. Does this translate as nothing I do can realistically be good enough and is therefore pointless? or that I make too many decisions at work and have too few decisions left for costuming? Or that I need more creative outlets more than I need costumes? Or that I am sick of changing shape so nothing fits? or that I miss the game how I/we used to play it? Or that other stuff is more important right now?

Way too much self analysis for a Monday night. My head hurts and I'm going to bed. Probably the most sensible thing I have written all night.

Comments

[montjoye.livejournal.com]

I seem to be able to do small projects but that is all I have done recently. Even the small things are not new research but based on readings of years ago. If I think of a big project my thoughts seem to be immediately blocked by "OMG I have to get it right or else and I can't face that amount of prep and fraught decision making". Even a relatively simple sideless gown had me in paroxysms of decision making. It is pretty much done now but took a long time for what it is and it is by no means perfect. All the main seams are overlocked for goodness sakes and I feel horribly guilty about that but could not face 10 handsewn seams that won't be seen. So I have a garment that I agonised over but is still not up to scratch and in many ways it is about as simple as a garment can get. I'm all tied up in knots about costuming so I am mostly not doing it. On top of that it doesn't feel worthwhile like it used to.